The Journey that brought me here

The first explicit expression of my personal purpose was, “the manifestation of love in the way we do our work in the world.” This definition didn’t emerge from consciously exploring my purpose but emerged following a time when I had over and over again asked myself the questions, “what is really important to me?” and “what do I really want to do?”.

At the time, my full-time work as a systemic business consultant and coach financially supported my life as a single mother. While I had already realized that something felt off or was missing, and had begun to search for alternatives, I was troubled by inner voices going round and round in my head.

Two opposing things were very real to me at the time: the sense of excitement and inspiration I felt when thinking about engaging in the manifestation of love in the business world, and the fear that I would seriously risk my source of income. Much later I learned that one of my biggest shadows is a recurring pattern of self-sabotage. I was holding a general belief that I didn’t deserve to follow my dreams. My doubts and concerns, which were the voices of this shadow, won out over the inspiration. I decided to stay with what I was doing, even if it didn’t feel right anymore. It was the safe way to go.

While staying on the “safe” path and continuing with my business as usual, I didn’t quite give up on my inspiration. I continued to learn and get trained—in Holacracy, at that time—and began to deliver workshops about this different way of doing work in service to purpose. With my growing understanding of the role of purpose in new ways of working, I strove after a deeper understanding of its meaning. I did all that in addition to my “real work”. Later I realized that at the time I felt profoundly divided—as though I were living in two separate universes.

I was completely unaware of the battle going on inside of me - my purpose trying to talk to me, and my shadow getting in the way. I fully tuned into a “when/then” pattern: when I have built enough interest in this new way of working and am making money with it, then I can stop doing the work that I don’t actually want to do any more.

Going through a divorce, adapting to parenting as a single mother, and adding this level of complexity to my work life, it was only a matter of time until something would change—I would either be willing to see, or be forced to see, the profound harm of this divided existence. I didn’t give up easily but in the end my body took over and I collapsed.

While my burnout was profoundly painful, I am now grateful for the experience. I can say, as can so many who’ve gone through something similar, that it triggered the biggest and most meaningful transition phase in my life. It opened me up to a whole new level of consciousness, and consequently to the decision that my purpose will guide not only my work in the world, but my entire life.

My burnout and recovery helped me understand that we—all of us—are here for a reason. Every one of us has a gift to bring, and life is about finding out what that gift is and how to embody and manifest it. There are probably as many ways of doing that as there are humans on this planet and it is for each of us to find our unique way. This is part of the beauty of it all.

As I recovered and found a new path forward, guided by my purpose, I engaged wholeheartedly with what I felt as a calling: understanding self-organization and how it could serve people and planet equally. This led me to continue developing and offering the framework of “Language of Spaces”, co-founding encode.org llc and Evolution at Work LLC, and engaging in the development of the For-Purpose Enterprise and the Symbiotic Enterprise.

At first, doing this work felt like a homecoming—yet, somewhere along the way, I noticed something missing in the way my purpose was defined. At a gathering of encode.org, in what we call a “Purpose Agent Meetup”, we explored both individual and organizational purposes. Tim Kelley, founder of the True Purpose Institute and author of the book True Purpose, supported this process.

The beauty of this experience is hard to describe. When the expression of one’s personal purpose shifts, it is not as if it is wholly different. It is as if it expands, gains focus, and gains depth. It becomes illuminated. Suddenly, one sees more and can be guided with greater clarity in all the actions that follow. At the same time, one always knows there’s more to come, and not yet seen. There is a journey to travel before more can reveal itself to you—the exploration of embodiment and manifestation of purpose.

It was a privilege to be facilitated by Tim through the process of gaining more clarity about my purpose. Its expression shifted. From “the manifestation of love in the way we do our work in the world” it changed to “the unification of love and power”, and I will say more about this shift later in the book.

The journey of exploring, embodying, and manifesting purpose for me was and is both beautiful and challenging on so many levels. It has a quality of meaning and authenticity that helps me face challenges, working through and learning from them. My belief is that this journey will continue until the day I leave this life and move on. It is the journey of exploring, embodying, and manifesting my soul potential. It is the journey of becoming ever more of who I truly am and of fulfilling the reason why I am here. Each and every one of us is on this path, knowingly or otherwise.

While living into this new consciousness around my purpose, and through many conversations, I realized that the word purpose carries different meanings for different people. My perspectives, and my meaning making, are both profound and limited, in that they can never be anything more or less than mine. Somewhere along my journey I let go of the concepts of “what is right” and “what is wrong”. While there is no universal truth, there is the possibility—through sharing about our lived experiences and our perspectives—to arrive at shared understanding and mutual growth.

This connects back to the meta-story of stories. When I share how I see something, or share my perspective, it is the story as it has formed up for me over the course of my life. To me this story sounds true at this moment. I have no expectation for my story to be seen as the truth. The beauty of the concept of “story” is that telling it feels like stretching out my hands towards others and offering something. It is totally up to the others if they like it, and if they want to take it—as a whole, in select parts, or not at all.

For me the intention of telling my story is to create resonance; resonance with the field of stories others tell as well. Resonance with your story. I hope my story adds to your and others’ stories, and I hope you and many others will offer your story. When that happens, it will add to and enrich mine. This resonance is what enables a story to spread and travel—even around the entire globe.

So here is my story, rooted in my current understanding about systemic purpose, personal purpose, and my conviction that being guided by purpose is vitally important to humanity. 

(This text is taken from my book “New Stories of Love, Power, and Purpose; A Global Invitation to Experiment with the Unknown”)